Friday, 18 January 2019

Baby #3 That Wasn't Meant To Be

I'm sure there are some people who are wondering why I would write about this on my blog. But why not? It's not something I either want to, or should have to hide. And I'm happier to talk about it than not. After all, I share most things about our family life on here, so feels natural to share this with you all. Plus I feel like I need to write it all down to help clear my head after what's been a really shit week.

Early last week we found out that I was pregnant. Although it shouldn't have been, it was a shock. We hadn't been careful for a few months but nothing had happened so I didn't think anything would come of it (silly I know). So when we realised I was, panic set in. How would we cope with three children? It seems like such a step up from having two. We thought tirelessly about everything, from would we need different cars, how will we afford another episode of childcare, will my body recover well from a third c-section? It was panic stations, but after a couple of days we calmed down and realised that everything would be ok and we'd adapt, like many others do.

No sooner had we come around to the idea, I started taking my vitamins and getting excited about a new bundle joining us in September, it was all taken away. I had some spotting on Sunday which I know is very common so tried not to panic, but it was new to me as I didn't have any with Oliver or Elsie's pregnancies. However on Monday I started getting cramps too and then it got progressively worse from there. The midwife referred us to the Early Pregnancy Unit in our local hospital and a scan and blood test yesterday confirmed that the pregnancy had sadly ended. It was the news we were expecting but it doesn't make it any easier.

We're looking at all the positives though to help move on... thankfully it was very early on (no doubt a few more weeks along would have been even worse, both physically and mentally), my body has done everything it needed to (I was really nervous about having to have any sort of medical procedure) and we're lucky enough to already have two happy and healthy children at home (which I'm forever thankful for and my heart goes out to those who don't).

A few people who know have already asked if we'll try again. The answer is I don't know. We're happy as we are but there are moments when I long for just one more. To have those newborn snuggles, giggles and another sibling for the kids to love and play with. To be honest, I get exhausted thinking about it sometimes, weighing up all the pros and cons. I'm sure if it's ever meant to happen, it will.

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1 comment

  1. So sad! J miscarried before we had our second child and i was terrified of everything! Thinking of you x

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